better person..

What makes a person better? How does one go about making the changes he/she feels they need to make in order to be better? What if a person feels this change cant happen due to years of lack of caring? People say it takes one step to start but where do i take that step? I don't even know where to begin to make that change. And what for/ Myself? No i wanna change to be better for others not myself/ Fuck myself seriously! I put everybody ahead of myself for a reason. Its not me being nice its just how i feel it should be. Maybe if everybody did that this world wouldn't be so bad. I really want to change i just don't know how, Or maybe even why. Lately I've felt motivated like never before i just don't know where to put it. Inspired to do good for others. One person in particular. Maybe shes the reason i feel this way.I cant explain it.
  I'm trying like hell to get healthier. haven't been downing the diet Pepsi like i was even a month ago. Yes I've had one here and there but i can honestly say one this week normally i had one by the time i went too work. Which doesn't sound bad until i tell you i was downing 36 bottles in little over 3 weeks. do the math. That's not good! Also trying to eat better. I have an app on my phone called MyFitnesspal. Its an awesome app. But its really a pain to add all the food especially when theres not a specific kind of food. so its kinda discouraging to have to track down the food and add the calories and content yourself. Boo who i know, I'm just stating facts.So I've been slacking in that department again. And i know i can be way more active. I really don't know why I'm not. Lazy i guess. Hopefully work continues to pick up and i can buy a new backboard so i can shoot hoops like i use too.
  I'm also trying to find my old self. And i know that sounds kinda weak but I'm really not the person i use to be and i miss him so much! Maybe the bullshit i was put through turned me Calais towards alot. Darkened part of my soul that should have never been hurt. Its like i can pin point the exact time when i started losing me and looking back i see it and i know where it happened i just cant take myself back and save me. Had i known then what i know now i would have made different choices. As we all would and weither anybody will say it or not i know its true. I hope the part of me that seems to still be broken wont stay broke forever but it may be too late for that. (dramatic music) Ive pretty much made a mess of myself and well I'm not sure where to begin the rebuilding process. There has to be an instruction Manuel somewhere, I almost think i know what i have to do but really don't wanna lose it all just to be where i think i should be or where i think I'm suppose to be. Theres always a silver lining and maybe i just am failing too see it.
   Theres always a plan and I'm sure this is the plan set out for me. Perhaps this road leads me back home to where i left myself. Cause looking back before i left i wouldn't have done half the things i have done. I was also thinking maybe i still am mad at myself and still hate me for what i did. Stupid i have been told but still i have to live with this...remorse and the fact that i betrayed who i really am hurts more than anything and i think that's where i am twisted. Almost like i let myself down and that was the ultimate sin. Because at the end of the day, The end of the noise. Theres just me and i have too deal with those past decisions which haunt my once pleasant dreams...