Friday, June 1, 2012

better person..

What makes a person better? How does one go about making the changes he/she feels they need to make in order to be better? What if a person feels this change cant happen due to years of lack of caring? People say it takes one step to start but where do i take that step? I don't even know where to begin to make that change. And what for/ Myself? No i wanna change to be better for others not myself/ Fuck myself seriously! I put everybody ahead of myself for a reason. Its not me being nice its just how i feel it should be. Maybe if everybody did that this world wouldn't be so bad. I really want to change i just don't know how, Or maybe even why. Lately I've felt motivated like never before i just don't know where to put it. Inspired to do good for others. One person in particular. Maybe shes the reason i feel this way.I cant explain it.
  I'm trying like hell to get healthier. haven't been downing the diet Pepsi like i was even a month ago. Yes I've had one here and there but i can honestly say one this week normally i had one by the time i went too work. Which doesn't sound bad until i tell you i was downing 36 bottles in little over 3 weeks. do the math. That's not good! Also trying to eat better. I have an app on my phone called MyFitnesspal. Its an awesome app. But its really a pain to add all the food especially when theres not a specific kind of food. so its kinda discouraging to have to track down the food and add the calories and content yourself. Boo who i know, I'm just stating facts.So I've been slacking in that department again. And i know i can be way more active. I really don't know why I'm not. Lazy i guess. Hopefully work continues to pick up and i can buy a new backboard so i can shoot hoops like i use too.
  I'm also trying to find my old self. And i know that sounds kinda weak but I'm really not the person i use to be and i miss him so much! Maybe the bullshit i was put through turned me Calais towards alot. Darkened part of my soul that should have never been hurt. Its like i can pin point the exact time when i started losing me and looking back i see it and i know where it happened i just cant take myself back and save me. Had i known then what i know now i would have made different choices. As we all would and weither anybody will say it or not i know its true. I hope the part of me that seems to still be broken wont stay broke forever but it may be too late for that. (dramatic music) Ive pretty much made a mess of myself and well I'm not sure where to begin the rebuilding process. There has to be an instruction Manuel somewhere, I almost think i know what i have to do but really don't wanna lose it all just to be where i think i should be or where i think I'm suppose to be. Theres always a silver lining and maybe i just am failing too see it.
   Theres always a plan and I'm sure this is the plan set out for me. Perhaps this road leads me back home to where i left myself. Cause looking back before i left i wouldn't have done half the things i have done. I was also thinking maybe i still am mad at myself and still hate me for what i did. Stupid i have been told but still i have to live with this...remorse and the fact that i betrayed who i really am hurts more than anything and i think that's where i am twisted. Almost like i let myself down and that was the ultimate sin. Because at the end of the day, The end of the noise. Theres just me and i have too deal with those past decisions which haunt my once pleasant dreams...

Thursday, May 31, 2012


I hope someday, that I can go to NYC and a Yankee game with Bear. I never thought I would like base ball, and honestly, it's like my likes and dislikes have matured slower than normal people. I'm beginning to like NASCAR though I don't know all the rules and terminology, but I'm a fast learner. Well, seeing as how this is a sports/anything kinda blog, I figured it was time to post something sports related. I'm hoping we get to go to a Football game this year, and maybe some minor league baseball. WOO WOO WOO!!!!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

what i wanted to be

so tonight as i was watching wwe Monday night raw it dawned on me that was one of two things i wanted to be growing mind you i was a kid i thought it was real. i mean come on how awesome would it be to wrestle guys like the legion of doom? or the rockers demolition or any number of superstars. wrestling was so cool and every Saturday night 7 pm on the dot i was sitting on the floor watching. i had no idea of the travel and schedule they had to endure. it was so real. i miss those days. when it wasn't a world known storyline or entertainment. then again they didn't have a pay per view every three weeks. rumble. summer slam. mania and survivor series i think these were the only ones. that was the time of saying your prayers and taking your steroids..err i mean uh vitamins. and man the persona's back then were so great. they had to come up with crazy stuff because well it wasn't written for them and they needed to stand out. nowadays you can get online and know before the announcement of the pay per view whats gonna happen. who's gonna wrestle who. and what they had thought about doing. although i sometimes wish i was the in the dark fan and didn't read the cheat sheets. but i have to know whats gonna happen! and why john cena wasn't on raw tonight. although he wrestled the dark match after raw went off the air. being a wrestler woulda been great!!
    more than wrestling i wanted to be a baseball player. not just any player i wanted to play for the Toronto blue jays...sike! the Yankees duh! first base or center field . i always dreamed of hitting the game winning grand slam in the bottom of the 9th to win the world series oh and it'd be game 7. in Yankee  stadium. man that would be awesome! i love the sport of baseball. i love the stripped ball field the sound of the bat popping as contact is made with the ball.maybe its because my Dad would always play catch with me. or take me to the Jamestown expos games. now the Jamestown jammers. baseball is my all time top sport. i watch when i can and although i want to watch the yanks everyday i settle for which ever game is on. few things beat sitting at the ball park watching a game and taking in the sights and sounds of a cool summers night. and i love the history of the game. i love learning new things about it. Cooperstown is defiantly on that list of things to do. sadly it hasn't happened yet but it will. and i will go to a Yankees game! do you remember the scene from Rudy.. where Rudy's father enters the stadium for the first time and says" this is the most beautiful sight these eyes have ever seen" yeah that's gonna be me and this may sound corny but i may get a bit emotional. the Yankees are mine and my Dads team. and it'll be sad he never made it to a game but when I'm there ill be thinking of him.i may need two days there just because its gonna be once in a lifetime thing and i wanna see all the sights. like monument park and do the Yankee roll call with the bleacher creatures. the national anthem. to hear the late great Bob Shepard introduce Derek Jeter. too see one of the classiest guys ever playing shortstop. to see Robinson Cano swing prolly the sweetest swing in the bigs. i get goose bumps thinking about it. to me baseball will always be the national past time and my favorite sport. thanks for reading yet another thought captured in my little world

Monday, May 28, 2012

what should have been..

this is totally hypothetical and i know we cant change the past so why torture ourselves. well if we don't torment and second guess our past then someone else will do it for us. and if you are gonna sit there and read this and say "i don't think about the past. or i don't wanna change anything I'm gonna call bullshit and your a liar!" theres always something that we would change. maybe theres a job you shoulda taken but didn't for whatever reason was good at that time. or maybe a girl or guy you shoulda asked out but you were to afraid. only to find out later they did like you and you dropped the ball on that one! way to go!
maybe there was something you wanted to tell somebody but to avoid confrontation and or conflict you didn't. instead you held on to it.held on to it til it was to late and now the opportunity is gone forever. then again maybe it wasn't anything bad once again you weren't really sure as to how
to bring it up. i hate to say i live with regrets but man i really do have alot of them. well i shouldn't say alot but there are some things that if i could go back id be there in a heartbeat and do all over again. i would kick my ass for not doing better in school that's for sure, unfortunately it took losing my father the summer before my senior year to motivate me. for me it was really easy to slide by with a 66 and be like hey i passed. that's all that matters. instead i shoulda tried. period. not tried harder but tried. i woulda done a hell of alot better. i can honestly say i rarely studied except for midterms and finals. i didn't hate school but i defiantly wasn't a fan either.
my dad and brothers always said being in school is the best years of your life. well they were right had i only listened a little closer. and as the cliche goes had i known then what i know now. but as i said in the beginning you cant change the past. i did what a few people told me id never do and i graduated high school. i did it for my dad and mom. i know they weren't there physically but i know they were standing on that stage with me when i received my diploma. i could feel them.
another thing id change in less than a heartbeat is losing my parents so young. i was 12 when my mom passed away. she had a brain hemorrhage. I'm pretty sure i would done alot better in school because she woulda beat my ass! not really but school was really important to her. and i often wonder how things woulda been different had that never happened. I'm sure it added even more stress to my dad all of a sudden being a single parent i wish i woulda done more to help him out but being a kid i didn't understand things the way i do now. and man i woulda asked him so many questions about him and my mom. where they met. there first date things that kinda haunt me today because that's part of my history ill never kmow. but then again my dad was superman and was gonna live forever because nothing can hurt our heroes. i do look back with a smile remembering all the good times though. its weird how we lose people so fast and how much time really does fly.
i think i posted this because the month of June is coming up and its a bad month for me personally. although i try not getting down its gonna happen. its unavoidable. well time to put this too bed. thanks for reading hope you enjoyed another trip inside the bears den

Friday, May 25, 2012

this world..

You ever think maybe the world isn't as messed up as we think? Maybe its the people that created this mess that has caused a person to go crazy. Like inability to pay their bills.Had somebody just followed procedure and really wanted"for the people" Somewhere someway somebody started this mess. Vote for me and ill lower taxes. Vote for me and ill provide health care to the less fortunate and those that cant afford it. Promises upon promises. unfulfilled. Seriously when did sending jobs overseas help any of "the people" That doesn't help our people we should care about. After all we the people elected your ass to help us.That's another thing why should we elect you to help us?Shouldn't we just help cause were humans Why shouldn't we just help when somebody needs it? Why not always offer a helping hand? Maybe there would be less conflict and more love. Instead of whats in it for me how bout you helped me so ill return the favor.
  Nope. instead it became lemme see how i can manipulate you into believing what i say. Then ill get rich and powerful forget the people. then boom kick them when they are down. So where do we turn when we need help? And the people in our lives that do care need help too/ soon everybody is in need of help and have nowhere to turn. then what? Theres so many of us that need help now and the higher up are already swamped "helping" others that its just a long line of broken promises and fake hope. Help is only a step away. to bad its like a mile long step.and when you finally make it there after all the wait theres more stuff to jump though. and theres always a price. of course. Think about it. I mean yeah i realize we all need to make money and a living. but alot of us have lost the ability to make a living because theres other countries that receive our good will of the jobs that we use to have.  im not really sure why i wrote this or what sparked it. but here it is another thought  captured. as always thanks for reading my words

Friday, May 18, 2012


Is a new day.  A day to rise above what yesturday wasnt. To make this day better than the last because heaven knows this could be the last.
To smile ear to ear and laugh til it hurts. To tell all That you love that you love them.
  To stop even for a second and look at all the beauty around you. The trees the green grass. The people around you. Take it all in. Look up to the sky with the wonderment we did as a kid. Say a little prayer for these things we all take for granted.
  Remember yesturday is the past tomorrow is not promised and today. Today is a gift thats why its called the present. And what a beautiful present we have all been given.
  Wrapped up in daily struggles. Yes times are hard but those around us make it worth it. Stressed out burned out we all Maybe feel that way but its worth it. The road gets easier. There will come a point when there are no more hills to climb. No more obstacles just a nice easy path. Getting there is the fun part.
Take a moment and look around yeah gas is expensive. The economy is a mess. The kids are misbehaving the significant other is a pain in the ass but you wouldnt trade it for anything in the world. We both know this now why not tell them how much you really love them. :) have a great weekend everybody. Thank you for reading.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Welcome Screen

     Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. This blog right here, is, hopefully(if the bear doesn't mind that I went ahead and set it up without him, unintentionally of course) is going to be a "joint venture" from The bear, and me, Eros Helios.

     This is going to focus on so many different subjects, from sports all the way to rants and raves about whatever we fancy. So welcome everyone, to The View from the Bears den, right here on as always we've got just two words for ya!!!