this is totally hypothetical and i know we cant change the past so why torture ourselves. well if we don't torment and second guess our past then someone else will do it for us. and if you are gonna sit there and read this and say "i don't think about the past. or i don't wanna change anything I'm gonna call bullshit and your a liar!" theres always something that we would change. maybe theres a job you shoulda taken but didn't for whatever reason was good at that time. or maybe a girl or guy you shoulda asked out but you were to afraid. only to find out later they did like you and you dropped the ball on that one! way to go!
maybe there was something you wanted to tell somebody but to avoid confrontation and or conflict you didn't. instead you held on to it.held on to it til it was to late and now the opportunity is gone forever. then again maybe it wasn't anything bad once again you weren't really sure as to how
to bring it up. i hate to say i live with regrets but man i really do have alot of them. well i shouldn't say alot but there are some things that if i could go back id be there in a heartbeat and do all over again. i would kick my ass for not doing better in school that's for sure, unfortunately it took losing my father the summer before my senior year to motivate me. for me it was really easy to slide by with a 66 and be like hey i passed. that's all that matters. instead i shoulda tried. period. not tried harder but tried. i woulda done a hell of alot better. i can honestly say i rarely studied except for midterms and finals. i didn't hate school but i defiantly wasn't a fan either.
my dad and brothers always said being in school is the best years of your life. well they were right had i only listened a little closer. and as the cliche goes had i known then what i know now. but as i said in the beginning you cant change the past. i did what a few people told me id never do and i graduated high school. i did it for my dad and mom. i know they weren't there physically but i know they were standing on that stage with me when i received my diploma. i could feel them.
another thing id change in less than a heartbeat is losing my parents so young. i was 12 when my mom passed away. she had a brain hemorrhage. I'm pretty sure i would done alot better in school because she woulda beat my ass! not really but school was really important to her. and i often wonder how things woulda been different had that never happened. I'm sure it added even more stress to my dad all of a sudden being a single parent i wish i woulda done more to help him out but being a kid i didn't understand things the way i do now. and man i woulda asked him so many questions about him and my mom. where they met. there first date things that kinda haunt me today because that's part of my history ill never kmow. but then again my dad was superman and was gonna live forever because nothing can hurt our heroes. i do look back with a smile remembering all the good times though. its weird how we lose people so fast and how much time really does fly.
i think i posted this because the month of June is coming up and its a bad month for me personally. although i try not getting down its gonna happen. its unavoidable. well time to put this too bed. thanks for reading hope you enjoyed another trip inside the bears den
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